I’m not sure if you relate to this, but if you do and have any thoughts on it, I’ll be interested. And grateful.
Maybe it’s an existential crisis, this feeling of being not real, false, not true, everything I do is contrived my responses are contrived, my plans for the future based on others expectations or what I feel I should do.
And the truth is, I don’t know what I want, I don’t know who I am. these thoughts hit me, particularly strongly out on a walk today and I just had to run and run. I didn’t want to go back. It was such an effort. Anyway, these are small petty things that have no significant in the great order of things. But for me, it is everything.
Where is God in this? How is God in this?yet God is in this, how to reach him, to listen?
My instinct is to numb, to distract, eat, avoid sitting with this question.
I suppose that’s the answer, dear Rilke, to sit with these questions
Photos from my walk:
Blind byþ bam eagum se þe breostum ne starat 